Follow the Leader

So this past weekend we finally got to take our Moms and Brooke's Grandmother to see where I will be attending medical school next year.  I really enjoyed the trip and I think they enjoyed seeing the area.  I do feel though that when we got home everyone felt a little bummed out as the reality that we are moving 4 1/2 hours away really began to set in after making the drive on successive days.  For me this brings mixed emotions.  On one hand it makes me feel like a jerk.  Like I'm taking Brooke away from her family for my selfish reasons.  However, I know my reasons aren't selfish and I know that we both believe we are doing the right thing for our family.  Before discussing the other hand I need to add a preface.  I haven't spoken of this much in previous blogs, but Brooke and I are both Christians.  Believers that there is a God and He sent his Son Jesus to this earth to be an example of how we should live and to die so that we may have a relationship with God Himself.  We also believe that sacrificing our lives for His plan will not only please God, but also give us more satisfaction and peace than we could ever imagine.  And I must say that so far, in my life, this is true.  I almost can't believe where we are today.  It was just about 2.5 years ago that I really felt stuck.  I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life, but worse yet I felt like even if I found out I might not be able to follow my dreams because I was married and she already had a career and we had just bought a house.  That's when I finally began seeking God's will instead of  mine and He he went to work.  He placed on my heart the thought of being a doctor.  A thought that I actually been dismissing for 2 years before finally "listening".  After a few months of shadowing I knew what I was supposed to do with my life.  What was more amazing than finally choosing a career after many years of indecision was the fact that Brooke was 100% on board from the first time I mentioned it.  So here my wife, who hadn't wanted to move for me to pursue a PhD in exercise phys., or a Doctor of Physical Therapy Degree (both of which would have taken 3-4 years max), was now suddenly perfectly content with moving up to 5 hours away for 8 - 10- years.  Not to mention this would take more of my time and cost a lot more money.  So I know what your thinking, man that guy is good.  He must have done some smooth talking.  Not so.  In fact sometimes I think "what did I do to convince her to do this," and she is the first to tell me that I didn't convince her.  God did.  Through prayer she got a peace that let her know we would be alright despite the move.  So as much as I would like to take credit, I did nothing.  I also know now that she didn't resist those earlier possible moves because she wasn't supportive, but because that wasn't the right path for us.  After making the decision to pursue this career I still had almost 2 years of classes and the MCAT to take.  One by one things have been checked off and here we finally are taking our parents to see my school of choice.  So I said all that to say this.  While I do feel sad from time to time when I see how many people are having to sacrifice for me, I mostly get motivated.  I am aware how much everyone is giving up and I owe it to them, God, and myself to do my very best.  I get excited about studying and learning the ins and outs of medicine and patient care.  I also get excited about the chance to support my wife in a few years, and countless other things.  So in conclusion, while sometimes I get sad and sometimes I wonder if we made the right choice, I know in my heart we did.  Three years ago I would have never dreamed of being this happy and this excited about my upcoming career and I know I could not have gotten here on my own.  It sounds paradoxical but when you sacrifice yourself and make yourself available to God, He will bless you more than you could ever imagine.  I am living proof of that and when I get sad I just remember that I'm not in control... and that is a very good thing.